Several organizations that I have been a member of use passing of candlelight as part of their rituals and ceremonies. Often referring to the passing of values, wisdom, ideals, and support to the next generation of members. Last week I was reading, and this phrase jumped out to me, and I knew I wanted to reflect more on it and write this blog.
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” For me in addition to the importance of passing along our wisdom and ideals (hello leaving a legacy) I think the most important part is the passing of support.
Lifting others up, especially women has been a bit of a journey for me. I will admit, though not proud, that up until this last year I struggle with this. I allowed my jealousy and insecurity to stop me from supporting and celebrating others around me. Who else has asked “Why are they getting all of the attention?” followed up with “That should be me!” Oh, that envy coupled with self-doubt are a powerful combination and for years I let them guide me.
About a year ago, I experience a shift in my mindset from scarcity to abundance. Here’s how those two were framed in my mind.
Scarcity: The mindset and thoughts that there is not enough work, money, love, support, clients, gigs, jobs, etc. for everyone. The idea that I am in competition with EVERYONE for those things. Since I am competing with everyone then to win, I can only promote myself.
Abundance: The mindset and thoughts that there is MORE than enough work, money, love, support, clients, gigs, jobs, etc. for everyone AND that we will all receive more than enough. That we are not in competition because the ideal things for me will find me and the ideal things for you will find you. Rather than competing we all gain more by being in service and promoting others so the best connections for everyone can be made.
Understand the difference? Shifting to an abundance frame of mind means I now show up in service of everyone, that those who do similar work to me are not competitors but rather compliments to ensure that everyone is served.
Now, the voices of envy and self-doubt still live in my head and sometimes they can be very loud. The difference is I now listen to them, acknowledge their fear, and remind them that we no longer believe in scarcity we believe in abundance. And then I light someone’s else’s candle, who then light another, and so on and so on.
Here are some steps you can take to start your shift from scarcity to abundance:
- Research and follow people who do similar work or have a life (highlight reel) that you want for yourself.
- Engage with them, learning more about them, and share their content.
- Ask what they need help with and support them when they ask for help (it is hard for most of us to ask for help), it hurts when you put your ask out there and no one steps forward.
- Serve without expectations of getting anything in return, your goal is only to lift them up and light their candle (remember you lose nothing by doing this!)
- Remember the Law of Reciprocity which states that when people receive something, they feel compelled to return the favor in kind.
So dear friends whose candle are you going to light next?